hey you

meant 

why hi there i love you

and bye

was always

sorry honey i’ll see you soon

                     and

                            the silence                              the silence      

                                                    the silence

means

that we’ve changed

 a lot

since then

I didn’t think about you

for eight hours today

not your laugh

hair

or smile, not where you lived

or your sisters.

there is an upset.

i made you no

biscuits.

if anything you should

have consumed bagels;

there is a piece

missing. 

we commiserate.

i have less control than before

much less desire

to say no

i think i need to do

things that involve

fire like smoke

and sing

and dance 

and fire

just burn through the night

and arrive in the morning

a pile of charred bones 

because these new days

are not mine

no longer can they fit

within my palms they have

grown sideways and are 

stretched in their skins

unwilling

with legs like spiders

multiplying

waiting to burst forth

ready to crawl 

It’s
A rather
Nice
Day and these people
Now have forever
to figure
Out what to do
Tomorrow

I miss coming back home after we were gone a month

the yard

would look like an African savannah

and the house

would be dark

and I would run inside to my room

crack the rolladen and let

the first ray of light and life

back in.

when i come back now

the curtains are always open

the grass gets cut when it

decides to grow

and

people yell 

a lot more

than they used to.

You are in the walls
and the sheets
I am awake as
the night sinks, heavy with
your scent

Yellow sweater
Bed
And beige walls I collapse
before you and fold down the
facade that is my flowers
Take too much
Please remain always
Twisted
Take this fragment and
graft it forgetting all blues
And resignations
Tell me if thoughts are the ones
Counting then who am I to
remember your birthdays
Where am I to find you
other than within myself
and the night sky’s moon
If
In time we all
Stretch
Like
Old canvas
lines blurring

Early morning vomit
Is not artistic
save
the fashion in which it splatters across the toilet
Painting last night in 5 colours
Impressionism at its finest

It falls  

Slowly and without notice  

We are over  

Full and at last 

Alive and beating  

I am here and not enough 

You are there and gone  

We are apart and unchanged

Future and new reunions lead   

To the creation of hope  

And other pathogens

That shred my insides

Like an acidic interrogation

You can reach straight

through me if you tried

my heart is heavy with holes.

Vampire Weekend- Campus

i don’t need to win over everyone.

i’d be happy with just you.